It happens every time Nikki and I meet someone new. The conversation flows, we exchange pleasantries, and inevitably the question arises: “So, what do you do?”

“We’re marriage coaches,” we reply.

And like clockwork, especially from the men, comes some version of: “Well, hopefully we don’t need that!” Nervous laughter follows, as if acknowledging marriage support is admitting failure.

Here’s the truth: they’re wrong. Everyone needs what we do.

The statistics tell a sobering story. We face a 40 %+ divorce rate in our society. When entrepreneurs sell their businesses, the divorce rate spikes to nearly 75% within three years of the sale. And increasingly, women are the ones initiating divorces and walking away from marriages that no longer serve them.

Why? Because most couples are missing a fundamental truth: a marriage is either growing or it’s dying. There is no neutral, comfortable middle ground where you can simply coast.

At the heart of what we teach is unconditional love. Without it, marriage devolves into something more transactional — a trading relationship where scorecards are kept, debts are tallied, and love becomes conditional on performance…

“I’ll go to your family event if you let me play golf this weekend.”
“I’ll make dinner if we can have sex tonight.”

And more subconscious transactions…

“I’ll be emotionally available once you’ve proven you deserve it.”
“I’ll stop bringing up your past mistakes when you start meeting my expectations.”

This isn’t marriage — it’s a business arrangement with romantic window dressing. And like any contract based solely on mutual benefit, it crumbles when circumstances change or one party feels they’re getting the short end of the deal.

Compromise and trading do not and never have worked.

Unconditional love transforms this dynamic completely. It means choosing your partner daily, not because of what they do, but because of who they are. It means supporting their growth even when it’s uncomfortable. It means showing up with an open heart, especially during the times when they’re least “deserving” of it.

This isn’t some idealistic fairy tale — it’s practical, intentional work. And it’s what creates marriages that not only survive, but thrive through life’s inevitable challenges.

Think about your garden. What happens when you decide to just “let it be” for a few months? Weeds take over. Plants wither. The beautiful space you created begins to deteriorate. Your marriage operates on the same principle.

Marriage coaching isn’t about fixing what’s broken — it’s about nurturing what works and helping it flourish. It’s learning how to love unconditionally in a world that teaches us to constantly evaluate what we’re getting in return.

The couples who come to us when they’re already in crisis often say the same thing: “We wish we had done this years ago.” They recognise, too late, that the skills and awareness we teach could have prevented their painful situation.

So the next time someone says they “hopefully don’t need” marriage coaching, I gently challenge that thinking. It’s like saying you hopefully don’t need to learn how to love unconditionally. We all do — because without it, we’re just negotiating terms rather than building a life together.

Your marriage deserves that investment — not because it’s failing, but because it matters.

Book a free call with me here.