Have you ever watched someone you love seem to completely change overnight? Like they’ve been replaced by someone you don’t recognise anymore? This strange transformation during an affair is something experts call “affair fog,” and if you’re watching it happen to your spouse, you’re not alone.

Let’s break this down in simple terms.

Think about a child’s love for a new toy. On Christmas morning, that toy is everything — it’s exciting, it’s perfect, it’s all they can think about. Woe betide you if you try to take it off them! But give it a few weeks, and what happens? The excitement fades. They want something new. That’s conditional love — love that depends on feelings and excitement.

Now think about a parent’s love for their child. That child can have terrible days, make huge mistakes, or go through difficult phases, but a parent’s love remains steady. That’s unconditional love — it’s not based on feelings or excitement, but on deep commitment and choice.

Here’s what happens in an affair:

Your spouse has become like that child with the new toy. The affair partner is like that shiny Christmas present:

- They don’t have to deal with real-life stress

- They only show their best side

- Everything feels exciting because it’s new

- There’s no responsibility, just fun

- They seem “perfect” because they’re not real

Meanwhile, you’re like the reliable parent:

- You’ve been there through thick and thin

- You deal with real life together

- You’ve seen all sides — good and bad

- You share responsibilities and stress

- You’re real, not perfect

The “fog” part happens when your spouse starts believing that the excitement of the affair is real love. It’s like they’re drunk on the feeling of being “in love” again.

When this happens, you might see them:

- Saying they “never loved you” or “I love you but I’m not in love with you”

- Claiming they’ve “always been unhappy”

- Acting like a teenager with a crush

- Forgetting all the good times you shared

- Making excuses for obviously bad behaviour

- Blaming you for their choices

Here’s what’s really going on: Your spouse is mistaking excitement for love. They’re choosing the Christmas morning feeling over the deep, lasting love you’ve built together. They’re running from real life into a fantasy world where everything feels good and nothing is difficult.

But just like Christmas morning, affair fog doesn’t last forever. Reality ALWAYS breaks through eventually. Bills still need to be paid. Bad days still happen. Real life doesn’t disappear just because someone’s trying to hide from it.

If you’re watching someone you love disappear into affair fog, remember:

- You’re not crazy for seeing through the fantasy

- You’re not wrong for remembering the good times

- You’re not foolish for believing in real love

- You’re not inadequate because they’re chasing excitement

- You’re not competing with the affair partner — you’re competing with a fantasy

The hardest truth? You can’t force the fog to lift. Just like you can’t force a child to stop being excited about a new toy, you can’t force your spouse to see reality. The fog lifts when it lifts — when the excitement fades and reality sets in.

Your job isn’t to compete with the fantasy. Your job is to stay grounded in reality. To remember that real love — the kind that lasts — isn’t about constant excitement. It’s about choosing someone every day, through good times and bad.

Remember: While they’re lost in the fog of fake perfection, you’re standing strong in real love. That’s not weakness. That’s incredible strength.

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