I watched a documentary about the devastating fires in Los Angeles. In mere hours, entire communities were reduced to ash. Beautiful homes, filled with decades of memories, disappeared in minutes. The footage haunted me because I recognize something in those flames — the way fear moves through a marriage.

It starts small. A single thought, like a dropped match. “He’s working late again.” “She seemed distant at dinner.” “That text message made him smile differently.” Tiny sparks of fear, barely noticeable at first.

But fear, like fire, doesn’t stay small if we let it burn.

Left unchecked, it catches. It spreads. It feeds on the dry kindling of our insecurities, our past hurts, our unspoken worries. Before we realize what’s happening, that small flame becomes a blaze, and the blaze becomes an inferno.

We’ve all seen it happen in our own marriages. A simple concern transforms into suspicion. Suspicion breeds distance. Distance feeds more fear. Soon, the very foundations of trust and intimacy are engulfed in flames of doubt, anxiety, and paranoia.

The damage fear can do in a marriage is staggering. Like a forest fire, it destroys indiscriminately. Years of built-up goodwill, carefully nurtured trust, precious moments of connection — all can be reduced to ashes in the heat of fear-driven conflicts and reactions.

But here’s what firefighters know: The best time to stop a forest fire is before it begins. The same is true with fear in marriage.

When you feel that first spark of fear — that initial match-flame of worry or doubt — that’s your moment. That’s when you have the most power to prevent devastation. Not by ignoring it, but by addressing it with the most powerful fire suppressant we have: unconditional love.

Unconditional love says, “I choose to trust.” It says, “I’m scared, but I won’t let fear drive my actions.” It says, “Let’s talk about this while it’s small, before it grows into something uncontrollable.”

This isn’t about denying legitimate concerns. Sometimes that match-flame is warning us about real issues that need attention. But even then, addressing them through the lens of unconditional love rather than fear makes all the difference.

My husband and I learned this the hard way. We watched fear nearly burn our marriage to the ground before we understood: Every time we let fear guide our responses, we were essentially pouring gasoline on a growing fire. When we finally learned to catch fear early and extinguish it with unconditional love, everything changed.

Now, when I feel that familiar spark of fear, I recognize it for what it is — a warning, yes, but also an opportunity. An opportunity to choose love over fear, connection over protection, vulnerability over guardedness.

It’s not always easy. Sometimes the match has already caught, and the flames are starting to spread. But even then, choosing love over fear can help you contain the blaze before it consumes everything you’ve built.

Because here’s the truth about marriage: It’s not the absence of fear that makes it strong. It’s what we choose to do when fear appears. Do we let it burn, or do we extinguish it with the endless water of unconditional love?

The next time you feel that spark of fear in your marriage, remember the forest fire. Remember how quickly it can spread, how much damage it can do. Then choose, in that crucial moment, to blow out the match with the breath of unconditional love.

Your marriage — your peace, your connection, your joy — is too precious to let fear reduce it to ashes.

If you want to learn more about reducing the fear in your marriage: Book a call here